After a recent diagnosis of bipolar, and over 10 years of being treated for depression before that, I have decided to put my feelings and thoughts down on paper (or the t'interweb as it may be).   I am confused and now that I have been diagnosed my mind seems to be working twice, three, sometimes four times more than it used to.  I don't know exactly why, but I think it is searching for answers.  Not answers about bipolar, I can find those all over the internet for it, but answers for what state of mind it was in for every good and bad decision in my 37 year life.  So far (2 months after diagnosis) my mind has acknowledged what I thought was a massive amount of situations in our life attributed to bipolar, which it could never link to reasons why before.  In reality, it's probably not even 5% and there's a long journey ahead.  What I have realised though is that the journey is only just beginning, and there is one hell of a ride ahead and no getting off.

I have started this blog as a diary, ways to express, and ways to put my thoughts and theories out there for myself to remember and for you to read.  Also for friends and family, who I find it hard to communicate with to keep track of events and understand me better.  I get tired of repeating myself after every GP, Psychiatrist & CPN apportionment, so it's all down here.  No holds barred as I know others feel the same.

Since I was diagnosed my mind has literally "a mind of it's own."  It's like it's been given a license to roam free, without me, it wants answers and I cannot stop it.  What I can do is analyse what it brings back to me and hopefully decipher that to make sense for my past, current & future behaviors.  I am not in any way trying to make excuses for my previous behavior, or indeed future behavior, but I want to use it to understand my mind better thus helping myself and others with bipolar to understand our behavior, and perhaps prevent those undesirable future events.

Hopefully, if you have stumbled across this you will find it useful, or maybe it will be a nice bed time read to help you sleep (I know I could do with some of that right now.)

Well there is lots to come, so please follow and input where you feel necessary... I look forward to the communications, but please remember that this is my mind and other minds are available and may differ.  I hold no responsibility for what my mind makes me type in this blog, and therefor take NO legal responsibility for the contents.  Any quotes from other media will always be inserted into quotation marks "  . "  Any other views are that of my own from my own personal experiences, and NOT that of others.  Any likeness is purely coincidental.